I all the time look for a girl who has a tattoo. I see a lady with a tattoo, and I'm pondering, okay, this is a gal who's able to making a call she'll compunction sooner or later. (Richard Jeni)
I labored some gigs inside the Deep South...Alabama...You speak about Darwin's ready room. There are guys in Alabama who're their very own father. (Dennis Miller)
I went to a battle the opposite night time and a hockey sport stone-broke out. (Rodney Dangerfield)
L.A. is so celebrity-conscious, there is a eating place that alone serves Jack Nicholson -- and when he exhibits up, they inform him there will be a ten-minute wait. (Bill Maher) Funny Quotes. Sayings. Quotations.
I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old school means. I invited everybody in my neighborhood to my home, we had an unlimited feast, after which I killed them and took their land. (Jon Stewart)
There's all the time one altogether my uncles who watches a boxing match with me and says "Sure. Ten million dollars. You know, for that rather money, I'd fight him." As if person goes to pay $200 a ticket to see a 57-year-old carpet salesman get hit inside the face as soon as and cry. (Larry Miller)
If I ever have twins, I'd use one for elements. (Steven Wright)
My partner and I took out life coverage insurance policies on one other -- so now it is only a ready sport. (Bill Dwyer)
Famous Quotes
My sister was with two males in a single night time. She might hardly stroll after that. Can you think about? Two dinners! (Sarah Silverman)
I do know a man who referred to as up the Home Shopping Network. They expressed "Can I help you?" and he expressed "No, I'm just looking." (George Miller)
I knew these Siamese twins. They touched to England, so the opposite one might drive. (Steven Wright)
A father is explaining ethics to his son, who's about to enter enterprise. "Suppose a woman comes in and orders a hundred dollars worth of material. You wrap it up, and you give it to her. She pays you with a $100 bill. But as she goes out the door you realize she's given you two $100 bills. Now, here's where the ethics come in: should you or should you not tell your partner?" (Henny Youngman)
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